Alright listen up. I am only going to say this once.
This is the first time I have gotten a chance to blog since part 1, so I am going to be completely honest. There is a strong possibility that I don't remember the events exactly as they happened. So if you were involved in this certain vaca to the other side of the river. Then just go with it.
Sooooo where was I? Oh yes, day three. Here we go.
After a full night of festivities at "Old Folks Central Station"... my roomie and I just couldn't sleep in another second knowing that we were wasting our vacation. So we awoke with a vengeance and googled the nearest, fattiest food that we could. For those of you that haven't had the pleasure of working with a GPS, then you don't know how it feels to figure out where your damn destination actually is because the way it looks on the screen makes you think that where you want to go is in the middle of the fucking freeway. We found the Original Pancake house a bit of a trek off of the freeway, thank goodness, and seated ourselves for a feast.
When they say everything is bigger in Texas, they probably mean it. All I can tell you is the roads are bigger, and so are the frickin' frackin' omelets. It was bigger than my head. I can't speak for everything else that occupies the state because I wasn't there long enough for full research. Sadly it wasn't a franchise and it didn't have to go orders. The other vacation occupants had to settle for Chic-fil-a.
Day three is really the kicker. This is when we hit downtown for realzies and had authentic Mexican cuisine. This is also where the margaritas that can kick you in the face come in. Cross my heart hope to die! There is a two drink minimum on those bitches! Luckily we all are light weighted whores and were pretty tipsy when we left Casa de something or other. (Not being rude I really just don't remember the name.)
While I was in the Lonestar State, I made an observation. People in the midwest are FAT. Texans keep their girlish figures because when they hit downtown they WALK everywhere. So weird.
So to make a long story short, if you walk around bouncers try to get you in the bars and offer to pay for your first drink. In other words if you go in, have your first drink and leave at every bar you go to. Then you can get out chocolate wasted scott free!!
I am pretty sure there was a short visit to a gay bar, and the bouncer wanted to marry my best friend. Which confused me, but whatev's. I am honestly surprised that I am not permanently crippled from all of the walking in four inch heels.
Don't judge, they make my legs look good!
I would also like to let you in on a little secret...If you haggle with the bartenders then you can get five dollar shots down to 2.50 a piece. Don't ask me how I did it. I just may be that smokin' hot. Or drunk enough to not realize there might not have been alcohol in the drinks. WHO THE FUCK KNOWS!
Getting back to the house each of us realized that maybe three days in Texas was just enough. Not to mention the fact that I was so hungover I worried that I was blind for a good two and a half minutes. We all decided to clean up the house, stop by Grandma's, and grab Panda Express to hit the road!
Grandma was lovely and her stew was even lovelier. I wish that I wasn't on the verge of vodka induced cardiac arrest. We would have stayed and visited longer.
Oh did I forget to mention that I mowed the lawn before we left?
Yeah.
The ride home was a complete and utter blur. Except for the weirdos that hit on us at a gas station in Oklahoma. For some reason after they asked to party with us I felt the need to tell them "maybe tomorrow". Don't ask me why. This bitch was spent.
Slap happy kicked in about one in the morning and we were laughing about the stupidest shit. Also on the verge of shitting our pants from the tequila. Or maybe I should just speak for myself. Roomie and I made it back about three am and I think that it took us another week to recover.
That was the point though. To party hard and leave it all in Austin. Although, in this case, what happens in Austin definitely didn't stay in Austin.
No comments:
Post a Comment