Although, some things are small that really just make me laugh. Like the times when you're trying to get your key in the door before you shit your pants. Or you try and finish opening that package before you itch your eye, but you just end up dropping what you're doing and almost gauging your eye out because it was itching so bad! So for now let's just focus on the major pain in the ass shit.
Locking your keys in your car right before you have to be somewhere.
Please believe I have done this a time or two, but this years incident was a doooooozy! I was all packed up to head to the school for a softball trip this fall. However, what happened next I couldn't explain even if I tried. Somehow I ended up with my keys and every bag I packed locked up tight. Talk about a "fuck me" moment right? Poor Jimmy boy was fast asleep at seven in the morning when I burst into the room screaming like someone just mugged me. I kind of wish that a mugging was the case. It wasn't, and he is always ready to help so he threw on my hoodie and shoes to come out to help. The best part was that my hoodie was about six sizes too small, the sleeves barely went past his elbow.
I would say that the call to my coach was the next highlight. "There is a slight possibility that my keys and everything I own found it's way into my car and doesn't want to come out..."
She pretty much just told me to get them out or I couldn't go. Which was just friggin' frackin' perfect.
This emotional bitch just let the tears flow. I would NOT be good in any kind of real crisis. I would be paralyzed with whimpers. Long story short, the bus made a house call to my apartment and I spent 75 bones for some grandma to break into my car.
#FAIL
Starting to use the restroom 2.5 seconds before you look over and realize there is ZERO toilet paper.
This moment doesn't need any explanation. Other than the fact that you better have some poor bastard within ear shot to come in and smell your business to give you some toilet tissue.
Getting a parking ticket when you park in the illegal spot for LITERALLY FIVE MINUTES!
Most of the time the reason I park illegally is that I am extremely late for something and I need to get shit done. So coming back out to see that some ass hole is going to make me pay thirty bucks for a 6 by 10 foot piece of ASPHALT, (P.S I had to ask Jimbob how to spell that. I just typed assfault, because that is how it sounds) really makes me want to find the nearest security guard and junk punch them.
Eight AM classes.
I told my mother that I would go easy on the F word in my blog so I can't really elaborate on this one, but you know how I probably feel.
Classes on any floor higher than the second.
I once had a Chemistry lab on the fourth floor of Temple Hall. Two flights per floor so that means my ass was draggin' up eight flights of stairs. Calves cramping, quads burning and everything.
I was basically crawling by the time I got to the top. Some dick hole also decided to make the book almost ten pounds. Good lord now that I think about it Chemistry was just an over-all hellish experience.
I had to take a break before I went in to keep my rep as an athlete. Consume some water, maybe blot a little sweat. I could waltz into the classroom like "What's up guys? Those man eating stairs didn't phase me one gosh darn bit!"
Walking around campus in the pouring rain with absolutely no drainage.
This is literally like river jumping!! If you don't make it you are going to have to roll up your pant legs the rest of the day. Also forget about socks. They won't last two seconds in that kind of weather. When it is raining cats and dogs outside, you have a choice to make. You can look like a bad ass and get soaking wet, or you can be the douche bag that uses an umbrella, or you can just stay home. Rain shouldn't be taken lightly.
I usually go with the last one.
People that ride bicycles around campus.
Last semester my leg was mangled by a speeding bicyclist and ever since I have wanted to clothes-line every mother sucker that rides by.
I can remember it was like it was yesterday.
I was just walking along, changing the song on my ipod when all of a sudden I look up and get my ass plowed by a blonde bitch on a bike. The chain cut up my ankle and I think I may have punched the air in fright, and accidentally landed my right fish near her left kidney. She may or may not have slammed to the ground. It was so traumatic it's still a little fuzzy.
The worst part about it was that the skank had the nerve to ring her little bell, like I was in the way! GAHHHH I am still bitter about it. I didn't even notice my ankle was gushing blood because I was trying to flee the scene before anyone I knew saw me. Ruined some perfectly good converse. There should be a law against cycling on campus. Or at least a speed limit damnit!!
There ya go. All the reasons I hate my life while on campus. Plus a couple extra things that I am sure everyone can relate to.
Just thinking about it all makes me want to burn a bicycle.
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